Daily Prompt: Chaotic

via Daily Prompt: Chaotic

Chaotic

You know, I’ve never thought about it until now.

Chaotic, That’s how my thoughts are, when I’m manic!

It’s always been difficult, for me to express how I’m feeling.

Or find the right words, to say them.

When I’m exhausted or drained, I say, I’m tired.

When  I’m depressed, it varies.

But when I’m manic, my thoughts are all over the place!

Chaotic, describes it.

I didn’t realize I was exhibiting, this mania, until a friend of mine, noticed that I was talking really fast and a lot.

I’m not a talker!

It’s like, I have all these thoughts and I gotta get them all out, right now.

This is another reason, I don’t drive, when I’m having a manic episode.

I find it extremely difficult, to concentrate.

My dad, Was the first one to find my words for me.

Next, It would be my pastor.

We had gone up to Pennsylvania, to visit a members sister, who had had, her 100th birthday.

The trip back I was exhausted and it had to be on my face.

Because my pastor said to me

“It feels like someone pulled the plug, doesn’t it?”

And I was like, “Oh my god, that’s exactly how I feel!”

So thank you, for finding, yet another word, to express, what I feel.

Chaotic, That’s it!

Wholeheartedly, Yvette

 

Daily Prompt: Chaotic

via Daily Prompt: Chaotic

Chaotic

You know, I’ve never thought about it until now.

Chaotic, That’s how my thoughts are, when I’m manic!

It’s always been difficult, for me to express how I’m feeling.

Or find the right words, to say them.

When I’m exhausted or drained, I say, I’m tired.

When  I’m depressed, it varies.

But when I’m manic, my thoughts are all over the place!

Chaotic, describes it.

I didn’t realize I was exhibiting, this mania, until a friend of mine, noticed that I was talking really fast and a lot.

I’m not a talker!

It’s like, I have all these thoughts and I gotta get them all out, right now.

This is another reason, I don’t drive, when I’m having a manic episode.

I find it extremely difficult, to concentrate.

My dad, Was the first one to find my words for me.

Next, It would be my pastor.

We had gone up to Pennsylvania, to visit a members sister, who had had, her 100th birthday.

The trip back I was exhausted and it had to be on my face.

Because my pastor said to me

“It feels like someone pulled the plug, doesn’t it?”

And I was like, “Oh my god, that’s exactly how I feel!”

So thank you, for finding, yet another word, to express, what I feel.

Chaotic, That’s it!

Wholeheartedly, Yvette

 

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Day

Happy Thanksgiving! I make no plans.

That’s because, I don’t know how I’m going to feel, from day to day. Sometimes, minute to minute. On these  days, I stay in. Stay to myself.

I never, want to impose my bad feeling, on anyone.

This morning I realized, I had just gotten out of the shower.

And yesterday. And the day before that.

What this means is, I’m doing good!

Because bathing, when I’m depressed, is the last thing, I feel like doing.

I also have CFS. This too, makes it difficult to plan.

I would be at my parents house, But MetroAccess, the service I have to use, when I’m not able to drive or have someone else drive for me, doesn’t transport on Thanksgiving!

How is this, not ridiculous?!

This is why, advocacy is so important.

Where is the alternative?

 

 

Living With Depression

Today, Like most days, it’s difficult to remember, how happy feels.

I was diagnosed with depression, as a child.

I had an abusive mother, who I learned, once grown, was fighting her own battle with mental illness and was also abused by a mother, with mental illness.

But it’s my recent  diagnosis of bipolar, that has helped me .

What I mean by helped me?

As I said, I was diagnosed with depression as a child. So, throughout my life, I’ve tried different antidepressants.

I was on this particular one, for more than ten years!

I would have to say, it worked. In the since that, I was less depressed, on it.

But, that’s all it did.

I gained weight on those meds, which made me more depressed.

When I got the diagnosis of bipolar, I was relieved.

Relieved because, when given the right diagnosis, you can then get the right, mix (meds, therapy etc) that works.

I found my mix!

No,  I haven’t found happiness, but the way I’m treating my depression, bipolar and PTSD, has changed my  life.

From a sedentary life, to an active one!

At my heaviest, I was 143 pounds.

I now weigh, 104.5  pounds.

Note: What changed? The medication

I know what works for me, may not work for you.

I just want to stress the importance of the correct diagnosis or med mix.

And be up front about your symptoms.

That’s how I got the right diagnosis and treatment.