Outlets

Cabin fever. It’s what it feels like, not having wheels.

Walking, was the first way I learned to, relieve stress or anger.

My dad walked us, my sister and I, a lot when we were little. In grade school, I learned Karate. Earned my Brown belt.

The skating rink, was right in the neighborhood. Kalorama, in Adams Morgan.

And we played. Stayed active. Due to my mental and physical illnesses, my moods and energy, are unpredictable.

I have depression (bipolar, PTSD) and CFS. Feels like I’m dying slowly.

No energy, no activity. No wheels. And I can’t visit folk in my community.

Yes, I know, they are more than ready to give me rides.

Still, it’s not in me to do.

The bright side of being home or visiting someone’s home (pet sitting) with mania despite fatigue, I can’t keep still.

I clean, organize and pamper pets with massages.

I’ve learned a lot about my symptoms. And now see them as attributes.

[I’m manic. I may be all over the place]

A friend, Ginny, just stopped by.

I’m fighting a Cold and I lost my van. So she dropped off this beautiful bag of, get well goodies.

Without even looking, I know at least, two of the items.

Because Ginny did this same, thoughtful move, when I was new to the community. Nearly 11 years ago.

And ’cause my wheels are down, check out the bag.

A Red Truck.

Dig this. My dad had a truck like this!

Lil Red, was written on the sides. It had spokes (for sho’) behind the cab.

My dad let me drive it to Canada and Martha’s Vineyard.

As I said at the beginning, I need outlets My van gave me that. Through serenity and security (my chill spot on wheels)

And I try to stay as fit as I can.

I could do 10 Push ups, before I went to Basic training. I had to do more (50 or 60) to qualify. So, I lifted weights.

I can do 25 (sets of 3 on a good day) Push ups now. But then there’s my Back, Sciatica and the ever present fatigue.

[Energized by Ginny’s coming by, I got dressed quickly. I wanted to see her. But exhausted, as I got undressed]

Still, I have a need and want to be, active. I’m 58 and would like to try Boxing.

[My dad Boxed. And it’s something I liked, because he did]

I’m sure I’m not the only one. I feel lonely, but too irritable to be around certain people.

I’d like to meet others, who may be both introverted and extroverted. And can understand what I’m saying/feeling.

And I miss my Ex (it’s been over, more than 5 years. And it was for the best)

I keep having reoccurring dreams, and reminders of her.

Anybody else going through, It?

Mental, emotional, financial struggles?

What do you do?

And seriously, Is a She Shed doable?

I really would love a community like the Barn and Cabin builders.

Why isn’t this possible locally?

Looking for a Hand Up (opportunities, not obstacles) Not a Hand Out.

Peace.

Author: My Life with mental illness

I have dealt with depression, most of my life and I've tried different antidepressant. With the right diagnosis and med mix, I have lost 40 pounds. And I am managing, my mental illnesses.

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