My body, my mind. Reminders.

God, Why must I endure this pain, again and again?

[How can I ask, when you gave your son]

But, Seeing life as I do, I question, most things.

Like why You chose to sacrifice your son?

Instead of yourself.

What would the result have been?

[I surely would have chosen death, over this]

I want to know why, I must endure, this physical pain/reminder? (in addition to, mental reminders, triggers, PTSD)

The reminder of the night, I willing, went for a ride, with friends of my mother’s.

[Friend could range from, a stranger, letting us stay with him, expecting something, from her, trying me. To a few drinking buddies.

Please be aware of any opportunity, where something like this, could happen.

This is why I speak]

Glad to get out of the dirty old man’s house, where we were staying.

[He, who would later, hover over me, in boxers, as I slept]

The driver and his friend (I learned later, they were, nephew and uncle) pick me up, at night.

And drive me, from DC to Pa.

Off road. And Stop.

And tell me to, get in the back seat.

The driver, the nephew, goes first.

Finishes, then tells his uncle, to take his turn.

They got off easy.

Just a few years in jail.

I got life.


And Mental and

physical scars.

Constant, reminders.

Why Lord?

Do I not know what true pain is?

Why must I live with, such pain?


Author: My Life with mental illness

I have dealt with depression, most of my life and I've tried different antidepressant. With the right diagnosis and med mix, I have lost 40 pounds. And I am managing, my mental illnesses.

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