I hate Life

You get up in the morning thinking, “Nice, maybe today will be a better day”.

And then you get a phone call, telling you your dad’s hernia operation, is today.

How the heck does that happen, when you have a sibling?

How do you not tell me, our father, is having his operation?

This makes me angry and more down, then I was.

It makes me wish I didn’t love and live. Because, if I had no one, I wouldn’t care and worry so much.

It makes me wish, I had no memories.

It makes me, not want to be here. It makes me hate life.

It feels like a struggle, just to live.

I’m sick of the struggle.

If only, things were different. Because, if I were financially able, it would be, me and my dad, living together.

Actually living.

You know that thing you do, when you don’t have to worry about every aspect of your life?

Not worrying only about your financial limitations, debt. But your parents too. Parents who worked extremely hard, there whole lives and still have to struggle,  to make ends meet. Instead of just living out their retirement, leisurely.

And not worrying, if your dad is getting the best care.

And having your own health issues, limitations.

Today, there’s nothing, inviting about life.

I hate it!

Author: My Life with mental illness

I have dealt with depression, most of my life and I've tried different antidepressant. With the right diagnosis and med mix, I have lost 40 pounds. And I am managing, my mental illnesses.

2 thoughts on “I hate Life”

  1. Please don’t end your life, you are worth so much more to people than you think. I know precisely how you feel and I have so much inexplainable empathy for you that I cannot even write this to express how I truly feel. I wish all the time that I didn’t have the one friend that I do because I rely on her so solely and I almost committed suicide one day because she told somebody else she loves them when it should’ve been me. Little did I know, she actually does love me platonically. Hang in there for those who care about you like me xx

    Liked by 1 person

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