You get up in the morning thinking, “Nice, maybe today will be a better day”.
And then you get a phone call, telling you your dad’s hernia operation, is today.
How the heck does that happen, when you have a sibling?
How do you not tell me, our father, is having his operation?
This makes me angry and more down, then I was.
It makes me wish I didn’t love and live. Because, if I had no one, I wouldn’t care and worry so much.
It makes me wish, I had no memories.
It makes me, not want to be here. It makes me hate life.
It feels like a struggle, just to live.
I’m sick of the struggle.
If only, things were different. Because, if I were financially able, it would be, me and my dad, living together.
You know that thing you do, when you don’t have to worry about every aspect of your life?
Not worrying only about your financial limitations, debt. But your parents too. Parents who worked extremely hard, there whole lives and still have to struggle, to make ends meet. Instead of just living out their retirement, leisurely.
And not worrying, if your dad is getting the best care.
And having your own health issues, limitations.
Today, there’s nothing, inviting about life.
I hate it!